Sports Math
Who knew it could be so depressing
Gemini AI - “Sports-Fans Anonymous”
I’m a recovering sports addict who used to fall into a depression whenever my team lost. How could they?
Who used to think baseball and football were necessary national distractions to help moderate mental health.
Ease the burden of working six days a week to make ends meet. Mollify the despair I sometimes felt when my dreams, my aspirations, fell short, and I was left watching others make the grade. Drive fine cars. Wear $1000 shades and have socks tailored just for their size 14s.
Personally, I watched the dawn of free agency. The first million-dollar contract. The first player to own a major league team.
Then I did the math.
Something most people don’t like doing. Like thinking about their taxes before April 15th. Or how they’re going to make rent before the last day of the month.
Better to watch the game. Watch the glory of a walk-off home run. Tip a beer to your friends and think about one day hitting the lottery, just like they did.
Then I read an article about an NBA basketball player from Oklahoma who was about to make $71.5 million a year. The richest sports contract ever. That’s $196,000 a day.
So, I relapsed. Didn’t drink. Didn’t smoke. I just let that number sink in. Then I also read about the Big Beautiful Bill. And another article about the Alligator Alcatraz and how the president joked about immigrants being eaten by alligators – if they didn’t run fast enough.
And about Jeff Bezos renting Venice, Italy, and spending $45 million on a wedding for 200 guests.
The math on that is - $225,000 per guest.
Now I no longer think sports are a national distraction. It’s more like a matador waving a red cape in front of a bull.
And we all know how that ends for the bull.