So, Hope, What the F*ck!

Where did you go?

I thought Hope had left a few
months back. Just stuff its
shit in a bag and left without
saying goodbye. Gone. Then I saw it
sleeping rough under a bridge
in downtown LA. Living inside a large
box that a washer came in. There
was a hand-written cardboard sign 
leaning against the box, it read: 
Stop asking, I just don’t know anymore.

I left a $5 note and then chased
down my favorite food truck and
treated myself to a taco. Best I’ve
had in a long while. Maybe Hope is
just overrated.

I got up too early this morning. The grey cells were thumping a continuous bass line that kept me awake, so I came down to my office to write a few poems and get some of the debris from the last few days out of my system. It’s funny how hurt and sadness leave something behind after they move on.

Like a trainwreck in a cornfield. Bits and pieces everywhere. Not a puzzle, there’s no need to try and put it all back together. It’s just noteworthy, that’s all.

Lately, I found myself leaning on hope a lot. Heard it in my prayers at night. In conversations that weren’t ending well. Even in a casual chat with the UPS guy when he delivered filters for my A/C unit.

Hope has a way of insinuating itself into our lives like a Superhero. We reach for that special red phone and try dialing – please come right away, my apprehension of the world around me is slipping fast.

But I’m now wondering if Hope is just an excuse to do nothing. To wait for the cavalry to come charging over the hill as we’re all huddled in our wagons, listening to the hoops and hollers going on outside.

It’s a habit, like a prayer. We find the right spot and the right moment, and we pray to God that something will change or someone will find reason, and when the days pass and nothing happens, we try to remain steadfast, but we waver. We get a little weak in our certainty and say something like – God, I hope it gets better.

We slide down the supplication scale and use words more and act less. It’s not working. If nothing else, the world, the one we’re having major issues with right now, is showing us that action, the total and complete disregard for what anyone and everyone thinks, is gaining traction. It’s becoming a workable pattern of behavior.

You don’t like red traffic lights? Not a problem, keep running them. Let’s see what happens.

So, I’m wondering, what are we waiting for? The cavalry?